Amanda and I had followed God’s call to plant a church in Indianapolis, Resonate Church, exactly four years before – yet national news outlets were now broadcasting our family‘s tragedy. As shock morphed into overwhelming grief, I stepped with my toddler son Weston into an uncertain future without Amanda.

Over the past nine years, God’s mercies have been new every morning. And one of the greatest mercies goes by the name of Kristi.

It was late 2016, almost a full year since Amanda had passed away, and I had just started writing a book – a memoir. I had asked God to help me see his hand of redemption in my story, and the process of putting emotions and memories to paper was bringing me a lot of healing. I even found myself wondering if I was healthy enough for God to bring love my way again. The odds were not in my favor – my current life would require a truly unique woman, one who loved God, loved my son Weston, loved me, loved our church, and even loved Amanda. I left the idea in God’s hands.

That evening, after a twelve-hour day of writing, I headed to the gym to decompress. The owner of the gym had kindly given me a key so I could break a little sweat at odd hours when I wasn’t writing. That night I arrived just as the last class of the evening was finishing up. As providence would have it, Kristi was in that class.

I had noticed Kristi at the gym and around church over the last few months, but we hadn’t exchanged more than a dozen words. She had caught my attention from day one, but she seemed to be avoiding me like the plague. I decided this was the moment, so I worked up the courage to engage in conversation.

“Hey!” I said, trying (to no avail) to play it cool. “You’ve been coming to Resonate church for like four months now, and I know almost nothing about you.” And, to keep it pastoral, I added, “What’s your story? How did you come to know the Lord?”

For the next thirty minutes, we stood there as she regaled me on her upbringing and past. Out of all that she shared,

I homed in on the four years she spent studying abroad and on the mission fields in Mexico, Cambodia, and Brazil. “So that’s why you’ve been serving in Resonate’s inner-city project,” I commented. “You have a heart for missions.”

“Yeah,” she said with some hesitation, “but also my family lives in that area.”

“Wait, by choice?” I blurted out, thinking of the crime rate in that part of the city.

“Yeah.” She kept her poise. “My stepdad and mom feel called to that area as their life’s ministry. That was one reason I chose to attend Resonate. The church’s ForIndy initiative in the inner city? It’s the kind of work our family has prayed to see for years.”

“Wow. That’s amazing!” I said. “Amanda and I used to pray for that neighborhood when we ran by while training for half marathons. Ever since Amanda passed, I’ve felt this huge burden for that area of the city. Much of what we do as a church has come out of our story and the burden it’s placed on me.”

“I’m connected  to your story in some other ways,” Kristi said, “but I don’t think you’ll want me to tell you that.” She shuffled her feet a little and looked around the room.

“What is it?” I was intrigued and a little apprehensive, especially at how awkward she had suddenly become.

“Well. Um. Davey, my stepdad is a chaplain for the Marion County prison system.” She paused to let what she said set in for a second. “And he has regular conversations with the men that killed Amanda.”

I felt all the blood rush out of my face and the room began to spin. “What?!” I was dumbfounded. What are you doing, God? The girl I’ve been interested in already has a close connection with my story? I was at the gym to decompress after a long day – the same day I had asked the Lord to show me the redemption in my story. And Kristi tells me this?

Fast forward through several months of dating, and we were ready to see how our families felt about this: hers, mine, and Amanda’s. We spent a week with Amanda’s family in Elkhart, Indiana, followed by a week with my family in North Carolina. Kristi’s family was in Indy, so we’d already had some time to talk with them. We knew those two weeks were make-or-break for us. We returned to Indy reassured and started talking about a future together.

On November 8, 2017, almost exactly two years after Amanda’s death, I got down on one knee and asked Kristi to be my wife.

It was important to Kristi that we have a small, private, and quiet wedding. You see, although she had a very loving an

d involved stepdad, her biological father hadn’t been in her life for years. Because he struggled with

serious mental illness, Kristi had often feared for her safety. She hadn’t seen her birthfather since he walked out on the family years ago, but the thought of being walked down a wedding aisle touched more than a few childhood wounds.

Meanwhile, I was aware that dozens of people had been personally involved in my journey, both with Amanda and sinc

e her passing. I couldn’t imagine not having those people present as we celebrated this new chapter of life together. Suddenly a message I had received earlier from the Lord came to mind: My redemption story would usher in Kristi’s as well. I convinced her to go through with a bigger wedding and asked her to trust me with the “walking down the aisle” part.

On a chilly, rainy, magical December day in 2017, we gathered friends and family in a castle – well, a local venue that looked like a castle. Although almost nothing in our stories looked like a fairy tale up to the point, we felt like we were living one that day.

I stood at the front with Brad Cooper, who was officiating the wedding, and waited for the doors to open, knowing that what was about to ensue would have us all in tears. I shifted nervously, hoping that everything would go as planned.

“Claire de Lune” began playing softly. The doors swung open, and everyone stood to their feet. There she was, standing alone, a magnificent beauty, delicately resplendent in a fashionable white gown with lace sleeves, clutching a bouquet of snowy flowers.

I could see the hesitation on Kristi’s face as she began to step forward. Her beloved stepfather, Lee, immediately eased out of the back row to meet her. She smiled and accepted his arm as she walked toward me. About one-third of the way down the aisle, Lee stopped walking and Kristi froze with him. He leaned over, kissed her on the cheek, and whispered in her ear, “This is where I leave you.” Stunned and unsure what to do next, she looked up at me.

At the same moment, Amanda’s father, Phil, stood up and gently took Kristi’s arm. You could almost feel the entire room gasp as people held back tears. Phil walked Kristi the next third of the way until, right on cue, my own father got up from his seat.

My dad escorted Kristi the last few steps until she stood directly in front of me, in all her radiance, and Brad asked, “Who gives this bride to be with this groom?”

“We do,” the three declared in unison from behind Kristi.

It was a storybook moment, and it wasn’t lost on either of us. Tears filled both of our eyes as we looked at each other, two broken puzzle pieces about to fit and stitch our crazy lives together to display to the world a picture of God’s redemption—an unordinary family.

Davey Blackburn is the founder of Nothing is Wasted Ministries which creates resources for those facing trauma, tragedy, and loss. He is the author of Nothing is Wasted: A True Story of Hope, Forgiveness, and Finding Purpose in Pain (July 2024). Davey and Kristi live in Indianapolis with their three kids, Natalia, Weston, and Cohen. Find resources at www.NothingIsWasted.com.

Friend, we hope this encourages you that God is not done writing your story. He can bring redemption and healing into any part of your life!

You can read more of Davey’s inspiring story in his book- Nothing is Wasted: A True Story of Hope, Forgiveness, and Finding Purpose in Pain. 

The post Nothing is Wasted first appeared on Live Original.

Jesus loves me, this I know,

for the Bible tells me so.

Little ones to him belong;

They are weak, but He is strong.

I can still hear my Sunday school class sing this song all together. I sang with such confidence that it was true. I just loved it, and I loved the lyrics. I mean, who doesn’t love being loved? I sure do. I’m guessing you do, too. We all have this desire to be seen, known, and loved.

As we get older and experience more life, opening ourselves up to love can feel absolutely terrifying over time. As Tim Keller explains, “To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything.”

Although I didn’t fully grasp how true these lyrics were at five years old in my Sunday school class, I understand now that the Bible actually does tell us so. The Word of God is full of Jesus’ love for us. And we discover the depth of love Jesus has for us, only then can we begin to open ourselves up to being known and loved by another human being. Jesus first, relationships second. Always.

In John 4, we meet a sweet friend who was looking for water, but needing so much more. We don’t know her name, but we learn a lot about her and Jesus from this conversation surrounding a water source:

A woman from Samaria came to draw water. Jesus said to her, “Give me a drink.” (For his disciples had gone away into the city to buy food.) The Samaritan woman said to him, “How is it that you, a Jew, ask for a drink from me, a woman of Samaria?” (For the Jews had no dealings with Samaritans.) Jesus answered her, “If you know the gift of God, and who it is that is saying to you, ‘Give me a drink,’ you would have asked him, and he would have given you living water.” (John 4:7–10)

That’s only the beginning of her interaction with Jesus. I encourage you to read the rest of her beautiful story in John 4:11–30. But here’s what we learn about her from her time with Jesus.

She was culturally seen as “lesser than” because she was a Samaritan. Being one meant that she was generally hated by Jews for religious and racial reasons. On top of that, Samaritans were known for having unstable theological beliefs, not fully rooted in Scripture. All of this is the perfect storm for prejudice and cultural tension between these two people groups.

Also, she struggled with shame and isolation. We see in verse six that she came at the “sixth hour,” meaning around noon. Culturally, women would travel in groups in the early morning hours (the coolest time of the day) to draw water from the well. But our friend not only showed up at the hottest hour of the day, but she also came alone.

When we feel shame, we pull away from God and from others. Isolation is one of the biggest tools the enemy uses to keep us in our thought patterns of shame, guilt, and regret. That’s where we find her. That’s right where Jesus found her. And He had something to say about it.

Lastly, she had a questionable past when it came to relationships. “The woman answered him, ‘I have no husband.’ Jesus said to her, ‘You are right in saying, “I have no husband” for you have had five husbands, and the one you now have is not your husband. What you have said is true’” (John 4:17–18).

When we’re not rooted in Jesus, we have no idea what to look for. Our friend here had men give her attention, maybe even fulfill certain desires that she had (to be loved, to be taken care of, to be seen), but she was never truly satisfied because no man could ever give her what she truly longed for. She was looking for a love that stayed. A love that wasn’t based on emotions and feelings but on commitment and Christ. She was looking for living water. And although she hadn’t yet found it, the Living Water found her.

Here’s what we learn about Jesus.

Jesus will take the unlikely path to pursue you. Because of the cultural hostility that the Jews had toward Samaritans, Jewish people typically didn’t travel through Samaria when going from Judea to Galilee. Culturally, the hate was so real that they took the long route just to avoid the entire town. The tension was also real. But see here that Jesus didn’t take the path most others took. Instead, verse 4 says, “And he had to pass through Samaria.” This was a “had to” not out of a place of obligation or expectation but out of necessity to reach her.

Jesus will take any route He needs to take to get to your heart and your hurts. Not only did He take the unlikely route here, but He also waited for her. We see here that Jesus is willing, able, and eager to wait for us. Just like He was with this woman, He’s abundantly patient and never late for an encounter with His children.

Next, Jesus will break any barrier to pursue you. In that day, it’s important that we understand the role that women played in society. They were seen as the lowest class. On top of being not just a Samaritan, but a Samaritan woman, sister-friend didn’t have a whole lot going for her. But we see here that Jesus wasn’t too concerned with cultural barriers when it came to pursuing those He was after.

“Jesus said to her, ‘Give me a drink’” (John 4:7). Not only did Jesus speak to her, but He humbled Himself to ask her for something. He knew they were going to have a hard conversation, and He wanted her to know that she had a Savior that wasn’t afraid to get on her level and meet her where she was.

Lastly, Jesus will enter into your mess to pursue you. Are there parts of your life that just feel messy? Unhinged? Falling apart? Me, too. Same for our friend here. She had parts of her life that she would probably do anything to hide. But Jesus wasn’t afraid of those areas. On the contrary, those were the exact areas He was excited to dig into with her.

I’m not proud of this, but I’m a pretty messy person by nature. I remember when Ryan and I were engaged, so many people would warn me that living with a boy is messy and that I better prepare myself. I rarely commented back, but I always remember thinking, Actually, I feel bad for Ryan that he has to live with me. Yes, I am the messy one in our marriage.

One of the main messes that I make is what I like to call “my piles.” If you are a pile maker, you know what these are. They are piles of clothes. After trying on multiple outfits a day, I will form a pile in a corner of our room instead of hanging those clothes up. It’s become a running joke because if Ryan sees a pile, he can’t understand how it could be anything but dirty clothes. But with lots of patience, I explain to him that there is a difference between a clean pile and a dirty pile. In fact, most of my piles are clean! Men, right?! Just kidding! It’s a real problem, and I’m working on it 😉

I think sometimes we also compartmentalize the messy part of our lives. We have the “not so bad piles,” the “dirty piles,” and even the “looks clean on the outside piles.” But at the end of the day, a pile is a pile. And Jesus came to enter into our piles, no matter how dirty or put together they may seem. If something isn’t where He calls it to be, He will enter in and address it—even the piles we’re afraid for anyone to see.

That’s what He did here with our friend at the well. He wasn’t afraid to have the hard conversations about her relationships. He addressed the reality of her past without judgment or heaping shame onto her. Just like her pile of past broken relationships, we each have hard areas that Jesus is sitting, waiting, and ready to be welcomed in.

Friend, Jesus will never enter a situation that He doesn’t fully plan to redeem. His pursuit always has purpose. Let Him into the hard piles, the messy piles, and even the piles you’ve come to accept, and watch what He’ll do. This is the best kind of loved. Fully seen, fully known, fully loved.

Morgan Krueger is a Jesus follower, wife, mother, and author who found her voice connecting with women seeking freedom from the brokenness of past shame. Passionate about the redemption found in following Jesus, Morgan aims to keep that at the center of all she does. Morgan works at Faithfully Restored, a ministry that offers the hope of Jesus in the midst of suffering. Her first book, Goodbye Hiding, Hello Freedom: Trading Your Shame for Redemption in Jesus, releases in September 2024.

In her downtime, you can find Morgan enjoying the significance of the mundane, including spending time with her two sons, encouraging women through words, and watching British baking shows with her husband, Ryan, in Franklin, TN. You can connect with her on Instagram @morganwkrueger and at morgankrueger.com.

The post His Pursuit Always Has Purpose first appeared on Live Original.

Thinking back on my past heartbreak experiences, through different seasons of life, I can confidently say that is the truth! The Lord has allowed me to walk through hard relationships, meet people who I thought was, “the one” and get my heart broken time after time. I was the girl growing up that said, “the first person I date, I want to be the one I marry!” Butttt…the Lord had other plans. Several failed relationships later, I am here, overwhelmingly thankful that was not the case.

I am now the girl that “loves” breakups. Sounds crazy, trust me, I know! But hear me out. The greatest lessons I have learned about my personal relationship with the Father was taught through times of heartbreak. The seasons where I experienced the most growth, refinement, and change, were seasons after that failed relationship with “the one.” The times when I have seen my closest friends flourish were the times after she finally broke up with the guy our friend group knew was not good for her. I love breakups.

“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit (Psalm 34:18).” This verse has often been used to comfort me during times of heartache. However, after I read the quote mentioned earlier, this verse has a whole new meaning.

Perhaps the Lord is near to the brokenhearted because He first allowed us to experience human failure of love to better understand His.

Perhaps the Lord is near to the brokenhearted because we must first be broken to be made new in Him.

Perhaps the Lord is near to the brokenhearted because His heart breaks with us.

Perhaps the Lord is near to the brokenhearted because He is refining our character, our definition of love, and our purpose to better align with His word.

This time last year, I went through a hard breakup. It is wild to be at a place where I can talk about it as part of my testimony and share the beautiful lessons the Lord allowed me to learn through that time. Total transparency though, this is not easy. This relationship was everything from “That’s the Way I Loved You” to “All too Well” (Swifities, you know the references) Over the years of us together, the Lord made it more and more clear that we were not for each other, so we broke up.

At the beginning of 2023, I would have never put on my “resolutions” list for me to go through yet another failed relationship. I thought 2023 was going to be the year I got married, graduated, and settled down. That is what I dreamt for myself.

However, as we know the Lord has plans of His own and man, am I thankful for that!

Instead of those things happening, the Lord took a situation that was destined for heartache, depression, and failure – and completely flipped my world upside down to be the best year of my life. Just to give you a glimpse…I went through heartbreak, got the opportunity to be an LO ambassador (wooohooo!!!), went to Thailand, called into missions, moved out of my childhood home into “the cottage” with my best friends, changed my major from Public Relations to a missions degree, and so much more.

When I say I am thankful that it is His plan and not my own, I mean it!

I share this with you only to say, none of that would have been possible without the first thing on that list; “heartbreak.”

It was not the relationship itself keeping me from experiencing these things, it was my lack of keeping my priorities in line to truly see what all the Lord had in store for me. The opportunities were there all along, I just needed to fix my heart, mind, and soul on Him to see them. I was too focused on the relationship I was in and not my relationship with the Father, everything was clouded and blurred. I was letting a human relationship that was inevitably going to fail me, define love for me and was not relying on God’s perfect, unfailing love.

It is evident when it is not from God. I mean how confusing would it be if God gave us peace about every relationship we got into? When we finally meet the one He has set apart for us, it will all make sense. We will have an undeniable peace that this is the one that will be an addition to my walk with the Lord. We will see how that person is better for us and for the greater good of His kingdom. It will be peace upon peace, no convincing necessary.

But sometimes, unfortunately, it takes going through the first thing on that list, to truly know it when we see it. Because of heartbreak, I better know the character and love of God.

I have seen human love fail me, and that is ok! It is part of it. But because of His word, His love letter written from His heart to ours, we know His love will never fail us.

Psalm 73:26,” My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”

So, friend, this Valentine’s season, whether you are single, dating, heartbroken, engaged, or miss independent – I hope you can look back on the heartache and be thankful. Be thankful that the Lord allowed you to experience human failure so that you could better know His love for you. Be thankful it took a few failed relationships so that you could better recognize true love when it came into your life. Be thankful you have learned to guard your heart. Be thankful that you have gone through tough times so that way you can better relate and help others. Be thankful that each time you have gotten your heartbroken, the Lord has used that to redefine your definition of love to align with what it says in His word.

Because of heartache, we better know His love.

So, when I say I love breakups, it is because I have seen the Lord turn it around for good, time and time again!

Hey hey LO fam! My name is Raylee Evans and it is a joy to be here with you! I am a Senior Public Relations major at Lee University, which happens to be right in my hometown, Cleveland, TN! I am the second oldest of six in my family, which makes life so fun – never a dull moment! You can either find me on the pickleball courts, drinking coffee, or planning a last-minute trip. I currently work at Ever After Bridal as a bridal consultant, give campus tours at Lee to upcoming students, and I also have a little photography business on the side as well. I am a multi-passionate gal with a lotta dreams, 27 to be exact! My biggest prayer is that whatever dream I am pursing, that I am spreading His love, His joy, and His truth with everyone I come into contact with. Again, it is a joy to be here so thanks for being apart of one of those 27 dreams!

The post I Love Breakups! first appeared on Live Original.

When we got engaged, we both took marriage seriously and invested in preparing, but marriage is an ongoing process. No matter how much we studied the map of marriage, we still had the journey ahead of us with so much to learn.

As we look back on the path we’ve walked so far, here are three things we wished we knew before we got married.

1) Mutually agreed-upon boundaries with family and friends.

In the early days of our marriage, Meg would sometimes go to her parents for comfort and guidance, instead of me. One thing that caught me off guard was the way I felt when Meg sought help or comfort from her parents before turning to me. It hit me in a way I hadn’t expected. It really hurt. I found myself questioning my role and importance in Meg’s life.

At first, I struggled with feelings of insecurity and inadequacy. I wondered if I was failing in some way as her partner if she felt the need to seek help elsewhere. But as I got deeper into understanding her perspective, I came to see that it wasn’t about me lacking something, but rather about her seeking comfort in a way that felt most natural to her.

Meg wasn’t intentionally sidelining me; she was merely navigating our new dynamic as a married couple while going to the support structures that had always been there for her– I mean, her parents raised her.

After a few conversations on how those relationships need to change (at least a little) as your spouse becomes a higher priority, I realized that Meg’s actions weren’t meant to exclude or devalue me. She was simply leaning on the familiar support system she had always turned to. It was a natural instinct for her, rooted in years of trust and familiarity.

Today, we aim to be intentional about:

1. Setting aside time to talk, bringing a welcoming heart for conversation

2. Creating mutually agreed boundaries that we follow in Christ’s love.

Though we made a plan, we’ve found that setting boundaries can be tough. But the struggle to become unified in Jesus is so worth it. Trust us, God sees your effort to honor Him and each other.

3. Our marriage can change the world.

Before we got married, we don’t think we really thought that much on how our marriage could change the world. Honestly, we wish we reflected more on how God had drawn us together, understanding we would be a part of a design way bigger than ourselves.

Whether you’re single or married, your life matters in showing who God is to others today. Now, He’s painted every aspect of your life and your spouse’s life – your surroundings, relatable memories, passions, differences, sense of humor – to draw you together toward Him and serve and love people around you (check out Acts 17:26-27).

Knowing this deeply ahead of time that our marriage will have power for its mission as we learned to listen and respond to the Holy Spirit would have allowed us both to quickly pursue God for a specific direction. We would’ve been more curiously early on on how He’d like us to impact the world in our little corner of life as newlyweds and every season after.

Today, we embrace the truth that our marriage is more than just two people making each other happy. We’re not perfect at it, but when we both sense the opportunity and call to represent God, we outwardly share it with others we encounter whether we’re on a walk in our neighborhood, the stairwell at the office, or our kids sporting events.

One new way we’re excited to be impacting other couples for Christ is in sharing more of our story in FamilyLife’s new Art of Marriage small group study. We get pretty open there about our day to day and also give others couples a way to easily impact those around them.

To build a marriage according to His design, we cannot ignore its potential to spiritually impact the world inside and outside our home for showing others who God is.

3) Conversations about our past can bring us together in incredible ways.

Engagement is a critical time to continue learning each other’s backstories. And if you’re dreading that sentence, we did too.

It was intimidating for us to share the depths of our pasts. But truthfully, we wish we knew early on, that on the other side of Christ centered conversation, was love and safety – for the both of us. We talk about this more in our book Preparing For Marriage, but we can say each time we’ve allowed God to lead us in peeling layers we may prefer to hide, the more we get to experience the masterpiece of closeness that God designed for us to have in marriage.

With a trail of almost two decades of marriage behind us, we have found it’s essential to approach these conversations with grace and understanding. We both work at this today in any tough conversation, committing to active listening to foster an atmosphere of empathy and Christ’s love (1 Corinthians 13:4-8), for better or worse.

Recognizing and addressing our past sins, hurts, and misconceptions about marriage lays a foundation for a healthy today and future together.

Here’s the thing

There’s honestly a good chunk of knowledge we wish we knew that isn’t general but more specific to each other and our marriage. We say that as encouragement – marriage is a journey not only with each other, but Jesus. There’s lots of learning ahead.

Truthfully we foresee a ton more learning to come for years ahead of our marriage – even after two decades. And even so, our marriage rests in the fact that if dependence on Jesus is the goal, every weakness of ours is an advantage. If you’re looking for a realistic plan for marriage, find an Art of Marriage small group near you. It’s a great place to join other couples pursuing the Lord with their togetherness, even in the middle of every weakness they carry.

Looking at the mural of marriage, we find God to be the ultimate artist, skillfully crafting each piece and detail of our journey together. As we navigate the intricacies of His ways, may we all continually lean on His divine craftsmanship, trusting in His guidance and wisdom to shape each of our marriages into a masterpiece of love, grace, and lasting significance.

David and Meg Robbins are passionate about helping people integrate faith and family and equipping them to make a difference in their local communities. David became the President of FamilyLife in 2017. The Robbins have served together in a variety of ministry roles through the years, working primarily with the rising generation in Western Europe, Atlanta, and New York City. David and Meg, married in 2001, currently live in Orlando, Florida, with their four children. They are contributors to FamilyLife’s new edition of the Art of Marriage™ study that is available nationwide. This new resource is designed to help couples explore new levels of intimacy, communication, and connection with their spouse.

The post 3 Things to Know Before Marriage first appeared on Live Original.

Well, you’re certainly not alone. I recently just moved out of my dream apartment and I am still in awe at it all…

In 2021, I moved to Nashville as an absolute leap of faith. I had one friend that I knew in this city and endless nudges from God whispering to just go… I remember quite literally saying, “well, what’s a year?! Let’s give it a shot. If I love it I’ll stay and if I don’t… California will always be there.”

I had no idea what exactly God would do with that whisper…

Blessings began to follow that little act of obedience– opportunities for work opened up, 1 studio in my dream apartment became available, and every little detail came together with an unmatched ease and joy. Now hear me out, that first year wasn’t necessarily perfect, but if one thing was clear, it was the fact that I was supposed to be in Nashville for longer than just one year. God had bigger and better plans.

–

It was a typical Sunday attending the Belonging Co. 9am service, where I sat with my good friends, Jay and Reagan. It was Reagan’s last Sunday at church before she moved back to North Carolina and we all had plans to grab a cup of coffee after church. What I thought was a “typical” Sunday was actually the beginning of a beautiful story that God had planned far beyond I was even born (Psalm 139:16). I think it’s safe to say that day I was standing in the middle of an answered prayer.

“Hi, my name is Jonathan.”

“My name is CC!”

On our way out of church we ran into Reagan’s friend, Jonathan Lutz. With excitement in her voice she said, “Omg, Jonathan meet CC and Jay… CC and Jay meet Jonathan! I’ve been wanting y’all to meet!!”

Between us girls, I thought that Jonathan was so cute– and after 2 weeks, the Lord’s beautiful story began to unravel even more. I felt called to sit alone at church that Sunday, to later find that Jonathan would coincidentally sit 2 seats down from me. After a small invitation to a post church hang and an exchange of numbers… we later went on our first walk, first date, and after 3 months of intentionally dating we became ~official~.

Fast forward 1 year later and we were ENGAGED with numerous God moments to tell our future kiddos on how God so beautifully wove his love, grace, and favor throughout our story. (Pst, I’m telling y’all there are SO many little details that point to the goodness of God, I feel like I can write an entire BOOK on it all!)

_

Friend, God can do it.

Oftentimes, it’s up to us to keep believing that He can (John 11:25-26). I’ll never forget a line Chad Veach shared on Whoa That’s Good, “When you’re walking in the will of God, Heaven is at your back.” There is so much truth in that statement that I have seen come into fruition in my own life. I think God DELIGHTS when we step out in faith into the unknown. Afterall, Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen right?! (Hebrews 11:1-6)

When I said yes to God and moved to Nashville, of course I had the hopes of meeting my future husband, building a community and continuing to advance the kingdom of God. But, I’d be lying if I didn’t say that sometimes fear would try to creep into my mind and heart and tell me that these things weren’t possible for me…

I praise God that I can now stand on the other side of all those fears with a holy confidence that says, “If I’ve seen God do it once, I know He can do it again.” Which brings me back to the first line of this blog…

I moved out of a place that was once my dream apartment, only to step into a new dream apartment that I had always hoped for… only this time I get to walk into this season as a WIFE.

God is so so good.

Don’t stop believing.

CC is a wife, podcast host, social media strategist and writer. Her passion has always been to spread JOY and make heaven more crowded. A few of her favorite things are local coffee shops, yummy cookies, thai food, and any time spent with family and friends!

Keep up with CC on Instagram @ccalbonero!

The post Don’t Stop Believing first appeared on Live Original.

If you got left out of the plans, recently weren’t invited to something, this is for you. First I want to say I’m sorry, it’s never fun. Never good timing to be left out of the group chat, not invited to the birthday party, forgotten in the head count. It leaves a feeling of insignificance, a feeling of loneliness, and oftentimes those feelings make a home in your heart that take a little too long to leave. It is interesting how the lack of an invite can create the kind of bruise it does in our hearts. How the scroll on instagram, that reveals how they hung out without you, can create a sort of bitterness that pushes apart a relationship that was once so special. Can I share a little bit of my heart with you today? It won’t be anything that fixes the sting but it may comfort it.

There is a story in the bible where Mary and Martha felt forgotten by God. If you flip to John 11 you will read the story of Lazarus and how he became ill and Jesus “didn’t show up.” Because Jesus didn’t show up when Mary and Martha thought that he should, they felt unseen, lonely, and like they had missed an opportunity for a miracle. Verse 5 shares that “Jesus loved Mary and Martha so when he heard Lazarus was sick, he stayed where he was at for two more days.” As I read this I thought how interesting that Jesus loved them but didn’t come to them when they expected. But we see in verse 15 that Jesus says, “For your sake I am glad I was not there so that you may believe.” The moment they felt forgotten led to a moment where they experienced Jesus in a new way. Lazarus had been dead for 4 days when God raised him to life and exceeded the expectation of Mary and Martha. When Martha told Jesus “If you had been here, Lazarus would not have died” Jesus said I had a plan all along to use this experience as a way for you to grow closer to me. As a way for Mary and Martha to know God in a way they had never experienced before. Know him as Father. Know him as a healer. And know him as their closest friend on a day that couldn’t feel more lonely. God is not just using their season of loneliness for his glory but he is using yours too.

The amount of invites you get does not determine the amount of value inside of you. I know that doesn’t seem accurate today, it doesn’t feel true today, but how powerful it is to choose to believe it. It can feel like the invite number equals the number on the value scale but thank goodness it doesn’t. Could you imagine? If our worth was built on an invite, I think we would all be lacking, because we have all been left out. I’m so grateful that the number of invites you have received doesn’t correlate with the amount of value you withhold because even if you do get a lot of invites what happens the moment one doesn’t come? Our value would come crashing down. Our value is not based on who you are, what you do, or where you come from. Better said, your value is not based on what they called you, the things you do with them, or the things they didn’t do for you. Your value is based on the one who instilled value inside of you, Jesus.

Maybe they didn’t call you friend or really they didn’t act like a friend. Thankfully you have the biggest friend, the best friend, and his name is Jesus. He doesn’t just play the role of friend but he also comes as a Father. A protector, a healer, a source of peace. This means when they swing, he protects. When they hurt, he heals. When they fill your heart with so much anxiousness you can’t stand to be near them, he fills your heart with peace to walk confidently not just in their room but in every room. Having Him on your team means that you never walk without a friend but always have one right beside you. Every moment, every hour, he is a friend to you.

Just because they didn’t send the text doesn’t mean they don’t like you. Just because you weren’t invited doesn’t mean you were supposed to be there. What the world tells us is earthly “rejection” is often heavenly protection. There have been many “invites” I was too busy to make, that have guarded my heart for the roads I am walking now. The missed event wasn’t accidental because God doesn’t create accidents in people or actions. He creates purpose. Pain is on purpose, because there is not one thing wasted for the one who is a child of God. The timing of Jesus’ arrival as Mary and Martha prayed for Lazarus’ healing was on purpose because of the glory God would receive in the end. The nights you spend alone in your room are purposeful for the realization of who God wants to be to you.

At the beginning of our conversation I shared about the hosting queen, social butterfly, maybe it’s you? It is me! The one who loves to be around people, go to dinner with girlfriends, host the friendsgiving. God created a role for us in the invitation too. Jesus lived a life that impacted more people than we read stories about. Jesus also lived a life not waiting to be invited but inviting people in and we get to do that too. Recently I was asked what advice I would give to someone looking for community. I shared with her to never wait to be invited but be the one who invites. If you are looking for a community and feeling like you’re at the bottom of the invite list then invite girls into your life. One of the biggest ways the enemy likes to isolate is by telling us “they already have their friend group.” I have met a lot of girls who looked like they had their dream friend group when in reality their hangouts were full of gossip, shallow conversations, and relationships that left them feeling lonely.

Is it not fun to be the one not invited, we know that, so why would we not invite. Let’s be the “inviters” (is that even a word?? I’m not sure but I want to be one!) High school girls, invite a new friend over to your house for girls night. College girls invite a friend from class to go on a walk with you before your class tomorrow. Young adult girls, invite a friend over to chat and fold laundry with. Mommas, invite a neighbor over for dinner. Let people in on the joy of your life, even when you don’t get invited into theirs.

It’s the holiday season, the most wonderful time of the year and as much as it feels like there is a weekly event to not get invited to, there is a weekly opportunity to be the “inviter.” Being left out hurts. Felling unseen and unwanted hurts. If we know how it feels to be that girl then let’s be the girl we always needed. I challenge you this week to love the people around you, walk with Jesus as your Father and Friend, and invite people into the joy of this season.

XX Scarlet

The post Extending an Invite This Season first appeared on Live Original.

You don’t want to come down with a hammer when a flyswatter is needed. You also don’t want to let someone who is using toxic strategies twist your best efforts.

There’s no one-size-fits-all response when it comes to using your voice and setting healthy boundaries in your relationships. As you consider the many ways to respond to others, consider the example of Jesus.

Jesus navigated through complex relationships with unbelievable skill. Sometimes he left people in order to nourish his own soul. Sometimes he headed straight into hard conversations. Jesus was full of compassion, and he also held people responsible for their behavior. Jesus stood up to bullies, even as he ached for them. He didn’t shy away from calling out people who were hurting others. Jesus even got annoyed with his friends, and he let them know when they’d let him down.

Sometimes Jesus expressed grace. Sometimes he expressed anger. But most of all, Jesus spoke up on behalf of those who were hurting. And you, dear reader, may be the one who is hurting. Sometimes a kind word is needed. Grace will mend the hurt. Other times you will need to advocate for yourself and speak firmly. Finally, there will be times when it’s wisest to walk away entirely. In these situations, the best way to use your voice is to show what you mean through your actions.

How do you gauge what response is required? First, assess where your particular situation falls on the following spectrum.

People who are healthy fall on the right side of this spectrum. These are people with whom communication is possible. You can discuss conflicts or ruptures that occur within your relationship. They’re aware of their blind spots and have a strong sense of self. There is room for conversation and negotiation of boundary lines. In fact, the ability to communicate constructively on behalf of what you need is what makes a relationship healthy. You might not see eye to eye on every single thing. You might even disagree or experience disappointment. For the most part, though, you can arrive at a place of harmony as you negotiate the boundaries of the relationship.

Next, let’s look at the middle of the spectrum. These are the folks who consistently commit boundary fouls but who also have good qualities. For example, you may have a mother-in- law who genuinely cares about your children. At the same time, she won’t respect the boundaries you’ve set when she interacts with them. She’s not toxic, and you want her in your life. But you may have to constantly remind her of certain boundaries or develop workaround solutions to manage behaviors that just won’t change. Likewise, you may have a dad who only talks about himself, or a friend who likes to gossip. They’re not toxic and you can find ways to be together, but your ability to go deep may be limited.

Next, there are folks who show up on the left side of the spectrum. Sadly, these individuals are living out of the worst of who they are. Their choices in response to their painful stories have gotten the better of them, making it impossible to engage with them in healthy ways. As a result, they may demonstrate toxic behaviors toward you that cause great harm. For example, they might attempt to belittle or criticize you, manipulate your decisions, or guilt-trip you. They don’t want what’s best for you. They are worried only about themselves.

Finally, there’s the extreme left side of the toxicity spectrum, which represents those who are abusive. Such people may intentionally try to harm you physically, damage you with words, or gaslight you to make you feel crazy. Folks who are spiritually abusive will try to get you to think God is on their side. These actions on the left side of the spectrum are major boundary violations. Their behavior cannot and should not be tolerated.

Here are some examples of strategies someone might use to gaslight, control, or manipulate you.

GASLIGHTING

• “I didn’t borrow your phone. Why are you always blaming me?” (In fact, they did borrow the phone.)
• “I’m not drinking! You have trust issues.” (In fact, they have started drinking again.)
• “I never said those things. You must have misheard me.” (In fact, they did say those things.)
• “I’m not mistreating you. You have an issue with authority. You need to pray and ask God to change your heart.” (In fact, they are mistreating you.)

MANIPULATION/GUILT-TRIPPING

• “You don’t really care about me.”
• “I know how busy you are; I guess you don’t have time for me.” • “If you really loved me you’d . . .”
• “If you really loved God, you’d . . .”

CONTROLLING

• “I forbid you to see that therapist/friend/family member anymore.”
• “If you break up with me, I’ll tell everyone who you really are.”
• “You can’t survive without me. I own the finances.
• “God has given me authority over you.”

Make no mistake, these are big red warning lights. You can’t change the other person. So, you must learn to protect yourself. When it comes to toxic behaviors—words won’t work. With toxic behaviors, very word you say is going to get stuck in a web of confusion. In these cases, actions speak louder than words ever will.

To learn more about how to break free from painful patterns, mend your past, and discover the healthy relationships you crave, check out my new book, The Best of You.

For over two decades, psychologist and author Dr. Alison Cook has earned the trust of thousands of women through her practical, wise, and compassionate approach to becoming a whole person. Her most recent book is The Best of You: Break Free from Painful Patterns, Mend Your Past, and Discover Your True Self in God (Thomas Nelson).

Originally from Wyoming, Alison studied at Dartmouth College, Denver Seminary (MA), and the University of Denver (PhD), where she specialized in the integration of theology and psychology. She and her husband, Joe, are the parents of two young adult children, and are currently based in Boston.

The post The Best of You: Boundaries and The Spectrum of Toxicity first appeared on Live Original.

I vividly remember sitting at the counter of my college house reading and journaling when I had this thought, or rather God planted this thought in my mind. 

I was so tired of feeling sorry for myself for not being in a relationship. I knew that a relationship wouldn’t fill me, but I was acting like I was depleted and deprived because I wasn’t in a relationship. My beliefs were not lining up with my actions. God so lovingly showed me my inconsistencies. I was wasting my thoughts by being overwhelmed with desire for a relationship, so much so it decreased my quality of life. I decided to change my thoughts. I wanted to live everyday like it was my last day of being single. I was going to enjoy it even if somedays I had to force myself to see it as good. One day I would hopefully be in a relationship that would turn into marriage and I would never be single again. I wanted to make myself proud of the way I lived in it and didn’t want to waste what the Lord had me in. If you really stop and think about each day, we have no idea what it holds. It could be the day that changes your life. But instead of waiting on the day that changes everything, I want to live my life freely and confidently not waiting on a day to come. 

As I looked to the positives of singleness, contentment grew within me. I learned how to spend time with Jesus. Not just read my Bible, pray a little, and move on, but ACTUALLY spend time with him and enjoy it! I looked forward to being in His presence every day. I received all the security, acceptance, and love I needed from Him. My heart was slowly aware that the things I desperately wanted, I had in Jesus all along.

As I became more content with my season, the Lord gave me more peace in my heart about the unknowns of my future. He removed the way I idolized a future husband and provided me with deep satisfaction in Him. 

The day I started dating my now husband, I had peace leaving my season of singleness. I knew I had been obedient in learning all the Lord wanted me to grow in. 

I am grateful for my season of singleness because it taught me to be content in every season.

It created a heart posture within me to be satisfied in the Lord rather than my circumstances. Rushing from one season to the next is harmful. It steals the lessons of love, satisfaction, and being fully present with the Lord that He wanted to teach me. 

Being fulfilled by the Lord’s presence then produced satisfaction in the season I’m in now. 

Being single is wonderful, dating is wonderful, engagement and marriage are wonderful! But if you ignore contentment in singleness you will be dissatisfied in dating. You’ll want engagement, and in engagement you’ll want marriage. In marriage you’ll want kids, then you’ll want to be empty nesters. It’s an endless cycle of always wanting the next thing. 

It’s a trap that we can so easily fall into if we do not posture our hearts to be content in our current season.

It can be dangerous to view singleness as a season of waiting because of what it does to our hearts when we label it that way. Waiting can imply that your life is missing something and you are looking to that thing hopeful it will fill whatever is missing in your life. “I’m waiting for God to move in my life.” “I’m waiting for Him to give me an answer on what He wants me to do.” “I’m waiting on Him to give me a boyfriend.” When we “wait” on God to act, move, or provide and it doesn’t happen on our timeline, we view it as a punishment. In reality, we were never actually waiting on God, we were wanting God to move when we say so. 

Sure, you might feel like you are waiting for a boyfriend. But what are you wanting a boyfriend to fix in you? Fix in your life? If you never had a boyfriend, never got married, would you be content with your relationship with the Lord to fill you? 

Instead of waiting on God to give you a boyfriend, be with God in your singleness. There’s so much more at stake than your desire for a relationship. The Lord is forming in you contentment, satisfaction, and a sole desire for His presence to fill. I believe these lessons are best taught in singleness and that’s why the enemy wants us to rush out of it. If we never learn how to be content and satisfied in the Lord we will always look to something or someone else to fill us. This is why singleness is so valuable! You cannot learn that only God can fill you until he is all you have to fill you.

There will be a last day of singleness for you. So, make yourself proud of the way you lived it out! 

Focus your purpose in singleness to be closer to God, to soak in his presence, and learn how to be satisfied where he has placed you.

I promise that when you allow your heart to be satisfied in Jesus, you will lack nothing. The longing for a husband won’t change, but you will be content in where the Lord has you. Your heart’s ability to be content now will cultivate a heart of contentment for every season to come.

So, to my friend that is single today, wondering when and if her husband will ever come into her life: focus on your heart posture. Learn to be satisfied with God in your singleness, its so much more important than having a boyfriend.

Freddie is a recent grad from Auburn University with her masters in clinical mental health counseling and is on staff with LO as a counselor. She loves long walks, spending time with friends and family, and helping people find their confidence in who God made them to be!

Follow Freddie on Instagram: @yourfriend_Freddie 

The post A Content Heart Starts in Singleness first appeared on Live Original.

I wanted to talk to mom about the things that she walked through and learned in her college years because I know many of you are college students navigating that season of life. But even if you’re not a college student, we unpack so much more in this episode to tune in for. 

First off, we dove into discussing mom’s relationship with my dad. They began dating at a young age and quickly decided they were going to get married. However, right before they took the next step, they broke up and soon after, mom went off to college. Mom went into college with a lot going on, such as the breakup, a new city, meeting new people, etc. So, I asked Mom to describe what that was like as she began a new journey with all those emotions. 

Mom mentioned how crazy it is that it’s been 32 years since she and my dad began dating. She was 17 years old at the time and they both instantly knew they were in it for the long haul. They’d been in youth group together and had basically grown up together since third or fourth grade. Because of this, marriage was talked about within the first couple months of their relationship. They decided to get married the following summer, and when they mentioned it to Mom’s parents, it was clear that they didn’t see it as the best idea. After all, Mom and Dad had no plan and no money. They were genuinely living on love. Plus, mom DID have a scholarship for college to Harding University, where her parents had gone. So, her parents had a point. Looking back, mom sees the wisdom in the things they were saying. But at the time it was really difficult. At the end of that summer, mom chose to go to college. Well, Dad had decided that if Mom went, they were going to break up. So, they did, and mom was devastated. She cried all the way to Harding and one of her friends came and stayed with her in her dorm for a few days to console her. 

I love that her friend came and stayed with her because in those moments it is so important to bring community in. And often those are the times that we push community out because we don’t want anyone to see us in a vulnerable state. Mom talked about how vital it was for her to have someone she could truly open up to during that time and help her through a season of major transition.

I asked Mom to talk about the process of her and Dad getting back together. She said that two weeks after the breakup, Dad called her dorm room and said he’d had a change of heart and that maybe long distance wouldn’t be so bad after all. He basically poured out his heart saying he wanted to get back together. Mom said it was a really great regrouping time for them as a couple for her to say “I love you, but there are things that need to change in our relationship.” She used that to encourage anyone who might be in a similar situation. She mentioned that it’s not always the answer to breakup. Sometimes it takes just sitting back and admitting there are some things that just need to be restructured. Well, Mom and Dad ended up getting back together, but Mom did let Dad sit in it for about an hour before she gave a final answer to him. 

The truth is, you need people like Mom’s friend who you can confide in, knowing that they love you and your partner equally and want what’s best for both of you. You need friends who will trust you enough to believe that your partner is a good person, and it might just be a bad moment.

A couple months ago, Christian and I were walking through a really difficult time. A lot had been going on and it was just chaotic. We needed to get back on track, so I suggested that we start taking communion in our house. Well, at the time, we’d been ignoring and not wanting to address many of the things we were walking through. So, our first communion in our house was when everything we had been feeling came out. It was certainly a hard conversation, but I find it beautiful that when we came to Jesus, truth came out. Although it wasn’t necessarily pretty, it’s what needed to happen. I love that because this scripture speaks to the situation so well:

“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.” (Matthew 18:15)

Next, we dove into the topic of roommates. Mom’s freshman year of college, she had a roommate she’d never met before, which is extremely common. Many people either move into an apartment or college dorm with someone they’ve never met. Sometimes it clicks and it works, but sometimes it’s difficult. Eventually, mom became really close with her roommate, even though they were a lot different. She actually ended up being a bridesmaid in Mom’s wedding. I asked Mom to talk a bit about what that was like. She only had one semester with a roommate before she married my dad. But she said even that one semester helped her so much because when my brother Will went to college, he’d been planning to room with one of his friends for years. Initially, when he found out he was going to have a third roommate, he was not thrilled. But mom was able to share her experience with him encouraging him to have a positive mindset about the situation! Mom reminded us that in situations like these, you have to trust that through others, God is going to teach you something. Oftentimes, people try to get out of these situations before God has time to work in them. Mom encouraged everyone to give it a full year in college for God to do something, whether it be the roommate, the major, or whatever else you may be having difficulties with. And then if you still don’t think you’re where you need to be, make a move.

You have to give it time for your roots to grow. When I was little, I would take apple seeds and plant them outside my house. But I never marked where they were, so I could never properly water them. I think about how I was throwing seeds in all different places, and I gave none of them time to nurture and grow. I think a lot of us do that. We are unwilling to stay in one place and water that soil and see what beauty grows from it. Because we get frustrated by the process, we just go to the next place and plant new seeds. But you’ll never get the tree unless you stay and water that ground. There’s a process to growing where you’re at. There’s a process to community. There’s a process for most things. Mom talked about how difficult it was when my sister Rebecca moved here from Taiwan. Her first semester was incredibly difficult because she had broken English, wasn’t making friends easily, and was struggling to stay in contact with her family because of the time difference. If she’d been given the option after the first semester, she probably would’ve chosen to go home. But the second semester rolled around and she was thriving. She was making friends, going to prom, and having a great experience. Now, she’s been here for 16+ years and is married with two kids!

Back to the roommate situation, I wanted to mention that not everyone is going to be your best friend. This is something I’ve had to learn as I’ve gotten older. Some people might be a great friend. You can still laugh and have fun with them, and even cry with them. But they don’t necessarily have be your best friend. And then some people will be your best friend, and often when that happens, it just comes naturally. For instance, my friend Laney will always be one of my best friends, and it came naturally. All of this to say, you don’t have to put pressure on any of your friendships to be your very best one. You have to be content and confident in the relationship you do have with your friend. 

I wanted to circle back around to my mom and dad’s relationship. Once they got back together, they got married the following January. So, by Mom’s second semester in college, she and Dad were married and Dad was beginning his first semester in college. The following summer, they actually went to Hawaii with Mom’s parents as their honeymoon, since they didn’t have much money. Three months into marriage, they still didn’t have a set in stone plan, and they were still broke. I asked mom to give us a picture into what that season looked like, the silly arguments over money, and the types of meals they would eat on a budget. Mom mentioned just how tight their budget was. She and Dad worked at a call center for a while. The people who call and ask you for money — that was my parents. Eating out was not an option, except for the occasional Little Caesar’s pizza for cheap. Monday’s menu was hotdogs with hormel chili. Tuesday’s was fried frozen chicken. She remembered one time when she and Dad were in the grocery store, they had $5 left over from their grocery budget and Dad wanted to buy a pack of baseball cards and she wanted to buy a magazine. It turned into a full out fight over who would get to spend the extra money. 

Here’s another example. Some of Mom and Dad’s friends had loaned them a washer and dryer, so they wanted to do something nice in return. They took them to dinner at Shoney’s and it cost $40, which was way out of their budget. Mom said she still remembers the feeling of seeing the check and wondering how they were going to eat for the rest of the week. I love that she mentioned this story, because nowadays I feel like there’s so much pressure on young wives to have it all together. They’re expected to have all the snacks cut in the perfect shape and to be both healthy and perfect. Seeing how perfect other people’s meals can be through social media and other outlets will feel like you’re not doing your role well enough. But sometimes, there are seasons in life when ramen noodles and hotdogs will just have to do. For example, during this season of my life, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich is a great dinner. Cereal is just fine. Mom pointed out that looking back on the moments she shared, they’re such sweet and fun memories. Take note of all the ways you grow and the things you learn during those times in life.

One thing I love about my parents’ relationship when they were first married is that even though they were broke, they still had fun. It didn’t keep them from being hospitable. Many people think they can’t be fun or hospitable because they don’t have anything or they might not have the “coolest” house. Mom spoke into this topic well. She said the first time they had a couple over in their tiny apartment, she made spaghetti. However, she had no idea how many noodles to make to properly accommodate the amount of spaghetti sauce. So, needless to say, there were plenty of noodles left over. Dad began throwing spaghetti noodles at Mom, which turned into a full on food fight with their friends. There were noodles everywhere, even until they moved out of that apartment. They would have holiday parties at their house and everyone would bring something, which usually consisted of rotel cheese dip and hotdogs. The fact is, people don’t care what your house looks like. They care about being together. 

Mom reminded us that we have to be the one to invite people sometimes. So many times we sit around and get sad because people aren’t inviting us places, but it might just be that you need to invite people to do things. Christian and I found ourselves in the place when we first moved back to Louisiana. I was throwing myself a pity party because we weren’t getting invited to a Bible study our friends were having. But then I had an epiphany — Why don’t I start a Bible study. I could be the one to text and invite them over, and now we’re all great friends! Mom chimed in with some good advice. She said that if someone says no when you invite them, don’t take it personally. Invite somebody else! 

I wanted to mention that Mom was an Art Major in college. While here and there, she’ll use her artistic ability, for the most part she isn’t really using her degree. I think someone needs to hear that because often in college, you think, “this is it.” You think that if you make a wrong decision, you might miss the call of God on your life. I just want to remind you that you cannot miss it if you’re truly following the Lord. I love what 2mama posted recently. She said that if you’re doing whatever you’re doing for the glory of God, then you’re doing what He called you to do. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself now to think that whatever you decide now will determine the rest of your life. It might shape your life, but it won’t be the end all be all. God has your future and God has your now. 

I hope this is all encouraging to you! Here are some questions to think about as we wrap up:

Look at the people around you in your life. How can you steward those friendships well? 

How can you use what you have to have fun and to host well? 

How can you work towards growing in your relationship, even if that means restructuring things? 

Where are you that you actually need to water the ground where you’re standing? Seeds can easily be thrown in the ground, but you need to take some time to be intentional and see growth. 

The post Our Best Advice: Relationships, Community & Marriage first appeared on Live Original.

Many couples enter a new marriage with unrealistic expectations about how quickly and easily their children will adjust to all the changes. New home, new parent, new siblings. Maybe a new town, new school, new friends, new pet. New dynamic in the home. New person or people with whom you have to “share” your mom or dad. New concerns about what your other biological parent feels about you having a new stepparent. It’s a lot, especially for a child, and their transition will almost always be anything but quick.

That’s okay, your marriage isn’t a flash in the pan; you’re in this for the long haul, and that means your children are as well. You’ve got plenty of time to make this work. Remember, slow and steady wins the race. Or, as Galatians 6:9 says, “And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.” Your blended family relationship isn’t a sprint; you’re running a marathon; you’re doing it as a team. The first step is to lay down any expectations you might have about what those relationships are going to look like and how quickly it’s going to happen. Forcing it or running at a faster pace than desired will leave you feeling defeated, exhausted, and depleted. The best you can do is ensure you’re creating a safe, secure atmosphere in which healthy parent and sibling relationships can flourish… and then wait. Relationships happen organically. Trying to force things to happen too prematurely can change the character of the relationship and the blessings the Lord wants to do in it.

Of course, that doesn’t mean there aren’t some things you can do to create the best possible conditions for new relationships to develop. Let’s look at a few things that helped the families we interviewed throughout the project.

Put the “Fun” in “Dysfunctional”

The Lord is going to walk your family through some amazing mountaintop experiences and some seasons in a dry valley. Every family, blended or not, goes through seasons (Ecclesiastes 3:1). Even the best, most loving, and healthiest families have some level of dysfunction. Things simply won’t be perfect all the time. You know that’s true in your marriage, and it isn’t different for your family as a whole. Building relationships takes time under the best of circumstances and throwing kids in the mix — especially kids who don’t really know each other yet — doesn’t exactly make things easier! So we encourage you to find ways to put the fun in dysfunctional moments.

As we said earlier, kids like to build relationships around fun activities and time. That’s honestly not much different than how we do it as adults. Think about your relationship with your spouse, for example. Arranged marriages notwithstanding, you probably didn’t meet one day and get married the next. No, adults take time to build a strong relational foundation. And how do we spend that time? Dating! We see movies, go hiking, share meals, take vacations, ride rollercoasters, attend sporting events, and enjoy whatever other common interests we have. As we spend that time having fun together, we get to know each other. Ultimately, we fall in love. Why should things be any different for our children?

We were lucky in a way because Michael was our only child when we got married. The three of us had time to connect before Shay, our second, came along. That also meant Michael didn’t have to immediately “blend” with another child from day one. Instead, he got to enjoy our pregnancy right along with us, getting more and more excited about becoming a big brother. Of course, Shay and our other two boys were born with Michael already there, so they’ve never known a time when Michael wasn’t their big brother. As a result, we never had to help our children immediately blend with other kids. It just happened naturally.

“Be patient and guard your heart (open ears, quick to listen, and slow to anger—James 1:19). It’s okay for it to feel a little bit different.” – Marcus & Sara, A Blended Kingdom Family

Scott and Vanessa Martindale founded Blended Kingdom Families in 2020 in obedience to the calling that Vanessa received from God to minister to blended families. Through faith and radical obedience, they have partnered with God to help spread the Gospel into all blended family homes and equip the church to better serve blended families. The Martindales are a blended family themselves, and they know the struggles that come with the blending process. Their new book Blended & Redeemed released September 13, 2022.

The post Becoming a Family first appeared on Live Original.