There are days that I am so full of zeal and passion, that I feel as if I could burst. There are other days that I am so tired, I don’t know how much longer I can keep the pace that life has set before me. Some days, I’m angry with injustices around me and other days, I’m weeping over those same injustices. Some may call this an emotional roller coaster, but I call it HUMANITY. It’s just in us. We are human, and therefore we will constantly battle our flesh, and all of the feelings that come with it. Now, do we have the power through Jesus to overcome? Absolutely, but it doesn’t make it easy and it doesn’t make it go away. Humanity is what it is, but for some reason, we do our very best to cover this up and pretend like everything is perfectly okay. We have no struggles that are worth bringing up to the surface, they must all stay under control and hidden. When our feelings are hurt, we pretend they weren’t even touched. When we are angry, we bury it down and push it under the emotional rug. If we are tired, we insist we do not need rest, because it’s glamorous to be so busy.

“Jesus made a whip out of cords. Then he forced all these men, with the sheep and cattle, to leave the Temple. He turned over the tables and scattered the money of the men who were exchanging it. Then he said to those who were selling pigeons, “Take these things out of here! Don’t make my Father’s house a place for buying and selling!” John 2: 15-16

“Jesus was tired from his long trip. So he sat down beside the well. It was about noon.” John 4:6

“Then the people there spit in Jesus’ face and beat him with their fists. Others slapped Jesus.” Matthew 26:67

 “Jesus wept.” John 11:35

“But he emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men.” Philippians 2:7

“After this, Jesus, knowing that all things had already been accomplished, to fulfill the Scripture, said, “I am thirsty.” John 19:28

“And Jesus kept increasing in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men.” Luke 2:52

“But Jesus did not yet entrust himself to them, because he knew how fickle human hearts can be. He didn’t need anyone to tell him about human nature, for he fully understood what man was capable of doing.” John 2: 24-25

As I walked throughout the Galilee area, which is Jesus’ hometown, I began to know Him in a way that was much more familiar than I could have ever anticipated. It was that same feeling of when your best friend, or maybe that significant other, shows you their elementary school, high school or their childhood home, or maybe even a family holiday dinner or reunion. You begin to form a bond that’s unique, because you are seeing the behind the scenes of what makes them tick. You begin to have a deeper understanding of their very make up, due to their upbringing. As I walked through the very area that Jesus grew up in, the HUMANITY of Jesus began to come alive to me. He would begin to show me in scripture of how He understands my anger, my tiredness, my zeal, my passion, my hurts and everything in between.

As I was walking the hills of Galilee, I could hear Him say, “I even understand nostalgia”. I couldn’t help but weep at the understanding of that. He understands. You may feel completely alone in what you are walking through right now, but let me dispel that lie for you. You are NOT alone. He was left alone and abandoned, so that we would never be alone and abandoned. He broke the hold of the enemy on our lives, and paid every price there was to pay, so that we would be redeemed to walk with victory on our side.

If you just allow Him to have access to every season and human emotion you possess, hiding it all will no longer take up any more of your energy. Because it does not offend Him nor repulse Him, it reminds Him of moments He walked through that identifies with what you are walking through. And then it gives Him access to redeem it all! If you allow Him, you’ll not only never walk alone, but you’ll have the most wonderful best friend that your heart has always longed for.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]

The post He Understands first appeared on Live Original.

But all my super powers failed to save

So I turned in my ego and my cape

I was made to fly, but not this way

You’re my hero

You’re the only One

Who is strong enough

You’re my hero

You always pick me up

Before I self destruct

These words penned by Bethel Music Artist, Steffany Gretzinger, in her new album Blackout have been absolutely owning me. This song, Save Me, in particular has been on REPEAT. Seriously, girl… how did you get in my head like that? #spiritanimal

What I love so much about this song, is how incredibly gut level honest it is. You see, we have a chronic illness in the Body of Christ and it’s called “faker-itis”. This condition is diagnosed as the following: one who suffers from constant pretending to be okay when they are not, striving to prove oneself to others, God, or to themselves—mild to severe cases of perfectionism, negative self talk, and all symptoms related to the above. Side affects of every medication outside of Jesus, may lead to restlessness, self hatred, offense, bitterness, and a guaranteed case of exhaustion. (insert with soft music and birds chirping in the spring sun.)

After living so long with this illness, I was definitely suffering from all the above. Topped with a pretty red bow of chronic fatigue. Now hear me, from the outer world, most people would never guess that this was going on, because this condition does not bring alarm to one another until we hit rock bottom. Burnout. And the process of getting to that point is not pretty in the least. Maybe for you it’s not that extreme, but you know that you are not living in the peace, order, or consistency you so desperately long for. Well sister, I have one word for you, and you’re not going to like it…but it’s a massive key that we are missing in this puzzle piece and it’s this: VULNERABILITY.

Yep, the dreaded word that we as women especially have marked off the list. But until you realize that the Savior of your soul that already sees all, just wants for you to finally give Him those hurting places, the strength that your mind, body, soul, and spirit so desperately need will not come in its fullness.

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30

We operate at our very best and strongest disposition when we are operating from a place of rest, but I cannot tell you of how many days off I have had and went to work the next day still feeling tired. Rest has two facets, physical and spiritual. You cannot have one without the other. But in a world that glorifies busy, both are usually highly neglected. Yet, we have Jesus telling us to come to Him and He gives us not a longer to-do list, but REST. His yoke is easy. His burden is light, but most of us translate easy and light to lazy. Yet we’ve never been so tired. Let’s stop the glorification of busy! We will accomplish so much more for His Kingdom if we operate from rest.

Where we are missing it, is that Jesus is saying, come to me, learn from me, I’m gentle and humble so you don’t have to put on the fake face— I will give you rest in exchange and teach you. But, so many of us just take that as a prayer, reading some scripture, done. No, sister. He’s so much more personal than that. Because if you’re honest with yourself, you have way more needs to be met than a quick prayer and reading a few scriptures. He wants to commune with you. He wants to show you His character and show you that there is more to who He is, and He’s just waiting for you to put down the fake strength, be vulnerable, and tell Him about the real burdens your carrying.

He’s not appalled, offended, or disappointed by this, He’s ASKING for you to do this. He can show you truth to every lie and give you a strength that is birthed from a daily vulnerable interaction with Him who gives you rest like no other. Not sure where to start? Here are a few pointers to help you kick off a journey of healing, rest, and strength.

1. At the beginning of your day, give yourself some uninterrupted time to sit, put on some worship music if you want, and focus your attention on Jesus. Don’t go into prayer, repentance, or even journaling. I mentally will sometimes take every aspect of my life and hand it over to Jesus, and just tell Him that I give it to Him, until there is nothing left of me to hand Him and I’m just a daughter boldly and humbly approaching Him with no agenda but to sit in His presence. Don’t feel anything? No goosebumps? No worries. God is bigger than your emotions. In this moment, it’s not about what He can give you, but that we are willing to just empty ourselves and wait on Him.
2. Journal out every thought, feeling, and emotion to Him. Then ask Him to give you ears to hear His voice, to silence your voice and any others, and ask Him what He thinks about what you have just poured out to Him.
3. Write out your struggles. Sometimes I will list them one by one. And underneath each struggle, I ask Him to tell me what He thinks about this struggle. What is the lie I’m believing? Repent for the lie and then ask Him to tell you the truth. Write it down!
4. Take care of yourself. Self care is NOT selfish. Take a nap, go for a hike alone, get a sitter and go get dinner with your girlfriends, buy a cute top, take a bubble bath, get your nails done, sleep in, eat healthier, give yourself time to work out once a week and build from there, start a hobby you’ve always wanted to try. Do something that brings LIFE to you. Binge watching Netflix does not leave you rested, it just checks you out mentally so you can escape what your reality currently is. (Yes, I did say that!)

The Lord is so kind and patient. But fakeritis won’t get you far with Him, yourself or anyone else for that matter. Let the walls down and give yourself permission to say, “I’m not okay.” “I have this need.” “I’m hurting.” “I am struggling with this.” to the One who holds the keys to your freedom.

The post Breaking Up With Tired and Busy first appeared on Live Original.

The strange thing in it all, is I still had this small portion of my heart that so desperately wanted to believe otherwise. I had this faint whisper in my mind that told me, there’s so much more…but I could not believe it. I believed the lies that I would always be second best. I would always come up short. At some point, everyone will walk away from you. I would always disappoint. I would never be good enough. I believed these lies with such a deep belief, that they could not so easily be shaken. These lies were not just a belief, but they were my reality. They were the filters I saw every situation through. Every person through. The filters I saw myself through. It was as if I had no control over this belief system, it was truly embedded into my very DNA.

I would be rejected by a friend…I knew I wasn’t fun enough. I would be the brunt of a joke…I knew I wasn’t cool enough. I wouldn’t have the money to go out with my friends…I’m always going to be without. The cycle went on and on. To believe anything else, well that would have to take a complete life transplant. So, there I was, looking out at the water, and I said out loud “God, are you actually real?”. Nothing miraculous happened. No voice from the sky. No dove floating down with gold dust or anything else out of the ordinary. So, I just went back to my car and drove “home”. I drove to the house that I was staying in at the time. My family had left me to move away, and the other half of my family was in another state completely unaware of my whereabouts. I was living in the basement of a friend’s house at the moment, sleeping on the couch and trying to just stay out of the way. I’ll never be fully cared for. I was eating dollar tacos from a taco shack…I’ll never be able to shake this shame. My life was entangled in these constant lies. My belief system was in massive need of an overhaul. But, who could possibly touch this mess? Who would dare put in the effort it took to fix 17 years of PROVEN abandonment and disappointment. Who could speak to these lies and make me believe there was another reality I could walk in?

That following Wednesday, I had a friend who invited me to his church. I was completely weirded out by this, but without remembering the question I had asked on the beach, I said yes. I walked in and immediately felt like I had walked into trap. Something was going to happen. Something weird. Something is going to either attack me or take me out. Oh, if I’d only known that yes, something was about to happen. The enemy of my life was about to be taken out and I was about to attack that enemy every day thereafter. I sat in that youth service and heard the message of a savior, who would love me and never leave me. I heard about how He had forgiven me and wanted to be my friend. I remember shaking the entire time the youth pastor began to speak about this Man. I cried silently the entire time and knew, something is shaking my very foundation. It was then that I knew, this is what I’ve been looking for. I knew, I believed.

After that moment, He led me through a journey of disassembling my entire belief system. A belief system of thickly webbed lies. A system that only one man, Jesus, was ever able to not only break through, but took the time to not just rewire it all, but give me a completely customized brand- new system. Even down to my very DNA. He broke off every generational wiring for failure, and designed me to always succeed with Him. I am wired to succeed. I am a daughter of the King. And He never fails.

I now live in a reality that is so much more than truth even, it is a KINGDOM. It’s a belief system that flows through my veins, that contain the very blood of Jesus. It’s a belief system that when pricked or dared to be invaded by any sickness of lies, is immediately rebuked by a strong defensive wall of the Word of God. It’s a system that if one bit is not true, it’s all not true. And there is no person, no enemy, no lie that can say anything to break down the truth of this gospel. If He never does one more thing for me, if I never hear His voice again, what He did on the cross and has taught me through His word and relationship thus far, would be enough. Hear me sister when I say, no matter how deep you may be in the entanglement of lies—there is one that can not only untangle it, all but can fill you with truth and revive your tired soul. He can make ALL. THINGS. NEW.

The post All Things New first appeared on Live Original.

I will myself to always love you.
I make a conscious choice to love you at your worst.
I choose to love you when you hurt me.
I resolve to love the unlovable.
In your darkest hour, I will love you still.
I have closed every door of escape, and I choose you every time.
I said no to every temptation, so that you have every part of me.
I choose to give you my life, even before you choose me.
I will always love you, have always loved you, and can never will myself otherwise.

This is agape love. It’s the nature and essence of what agape portrays to you. Agape love is not just a word defined, it is alive and moving, not afraid of the tough times. It is fierce. This is the love of Jesus that constantly keeps me hemmed in. It’s the love I do not deserve. It’s a love that because of my human make up, I’ll never fully understand. It’s what keeps me going in my darkest of moments, when all I wish is to hide. It’s the love that called to me when I was least deserving of it. It’s the love that calls to me now, when I least deserve it. It is a love that grips my very most inner being and makes me crumble when I need to crumble—and then puts me back together in a way I could have never imagined, nor had the strength to comprehend.

Yet in one moment, this love strengthens me, reassures me, corrects my path, and carries me into the next steps of life. This agape love is not dictated by feelings or emotions. This agape love has proven to me time and time again, that the only way to love as it loves me, is to choose this love regardless of what serves me and my desires. My desires to be seen, to be understood, to get my point across, to be proven right, or to come out on top. This love is only by willful choice. It is selfless. It is quiet and unseen. It is a choice to put others first, so that they may experience this love too. It comes only by His Holy Spirit in you—teaching you, guiding you, spending time with you. It is ONLY by this agape love, that one truly is introduced to the true nature of Jesus. Because HE IS agape love. It is His very nature and being. He knows no other way. He chooses no other way. To think that this Jesus love is just a feeling, is to be deceived. The feeling of love, is a very shallow love. But my Jesus loves when the feelings are sinful and against Him. This love is untouchable by feelings, because He knew our feelings would constantly wave back and forth. Feelings have no power over this love. But the more I choose Him, the more I choose His ways, the more I seek His smile and embrace throughout my every day, the more I choose to live to love Him, the more I realize that I no longer house a wave of emotions. I have the peace of a calm river. Always moving forward, never stagnant or boring, powerful and life giving. This love is waiting for you right this very moment.

As you read each word, it has you on His mind. He’s constantly jealous for you, because He desires to show you this love. It comes only by Him, so no need to look anywhere else. He’s calling your name, sister. You need only to turn your gaze to Him, and His unconditional, unmerited, undeserving, love is ready to embrace you.

The post Agape Love first appeared on Live Original.

 When I was 21 years old, my husband threw me a surprise birthday party, in which I cried my eyes out because I wasn’t emotionally prepared for such an event, and I had spent the day planning out my future. When I turned 25, I had a quarter life crisis (Yes, it’s a thing. Google it.) and spent the whole night crying in a pool of snicker wrappers, freaking out that I had not accomplished half the things I had planned on my 21st birthday. You could say…I have a history of not handling change very gracefully. I struggle. Change is a big deal for my sensitive and slightly OCD soul, and I always tend to take it much more seriously than most. But now that I am approaching 30, I’ve learned a thing or two. I have in no way arrived. But change is something that I’ve spent the past 10-15 years in my life, learning how to do incorrectly.

The past 3 years have taught me so much about change. They’ve taught me how to take a step back, gain some HEALTHY perspective and walk it out one step at a time, with Grace. Here is what I have learned, and am still walking out every day.

1.  Sometimes, life is just hard.

Now this doesn’t mean that we throw ourselves a week-long pity party and wallow in the struggle. But it does mean that sometimes, it’s just not that deep and you’re going to go through some tough moments. Maybe you’re like me and can tend to dive deep into dissecting the situation, or you exhaust yourself by thinking about all the negative aspects of the situation. At the end of the day, you can’t change the fact that life can just be tough sometimes. BUT, you can cut yourself a break, take a deep breath and use my secret weapon. Which brings me to point two.

2. Mirror moments

It’s when something tough comes up. A difficult situation. Stressful day. Something out of your control coming at you. I have learned, that it’s always a sign of some type of transition that the Lord is bringing me through. It could be a big external transition that others can see, or an internal exchange between just the Lord and I. I simply begin to speak out loud to myself as if I was looking myself in a mirror. Not in a, “She’s talking to herself. That’s weird” kind of way. But in a, “I will speak to my flesh and say that you WILL bow down to His word and you WILL catch up to my spirit that is running to Him no matter how I may feel” kind of way. It usually starts off a little slow with thanking Him for my home, food and basic provision. Then it begins to pick up some momentum into thanking Him for my family and loved ones. Now we are really gaining speed and I am recapping His faithfulness in what He has brought me out of and what He has saved me from. Then by now it’s a full-on praise as my faith begins to quickly rise as I am declaring what His word says about my future.

It’s bold. It’s confrontational. It’s authoritative.

Jeremiah 17:9 says that the heart is the most deceptive thing, full of wickedness. In times of transition or change, the enemy will bring distraction after distraction to get your eyes off of Jesus and His word that keeps you steadfast. We must guard our hearts from deception by continuously speaking and ingesting the Word of God that keeps us immoveable and constant—even when your own heart and emotions are raging on the inside. He has the ability to bring peace and stillness to those seas.

3.  Be quiet.

Every time the Lord was trying to bring change from the inside out in me, or was bringing me into a new season, the seas of change would begin to roar and I did what every normal girl would do…talked to my friends, family and anyone that would listen about it. I am a verbal processor. So naturally, I would verbally process my raging emotions so many times that by the time I go it aaaalllll out, I had so many opinions at my fingertips that I would pick and choose which ones best felt fitting and ran with those. Feeling good about it all for a little while, since I was able to get all my words out, but eventually falling flat on my face because none of those words were actually from the one that had the answer. After many bloody knees and a broken bone or two from trying to figure it all out on my own, I have learned to just…be quiet. I do not isolate, but if I speak to anyone about such personal matters, I speak to only one or two people that are spiritually ahead of me and are brutally honest. They love me enough that they won’t just console and pat me on the back agreeing with my every word, but who know His word and have enough life experience to point me to Him. And I listen to those spiritual mama’s.

I then put all coffee date time, long phone conversation time and late-night girl chat time, into sit-with-the-Lord time. I quiet myself and sit in His presence. I only open my mouth to worship Him and then continue to sit in His presence. I am not expecting anything. I am simply just spending time with the one who can speak one word to my heart and it is exactly what it longed for. I am bringing something to the table versus just expecting His hand of blessing.

Nothing makes me happier then when my 3-year-old daughter hugs me and loves on me just because. It is in those moments with the Lord that trust, faith, consistency and deep love are built and cause for every storm to become silent. Fear has no place here. Heaven invades my reality and becomes my reality. A holy exchange occurs, and I become untouchable. There is nothing too big for Him, all He asks for…is you.

Change isn’t easy—it’s pretty stinking hard, actually. But sister, take it from me, it doesn’t have to be lonely and overwhelming. You can be in the midst of change and walk in a Peace that surpasses yours and anyone else’s understanding. So much so that someone may say, “What is it about you that seems at such peace? It doesn’t make sense.” And then you, sister, get to tell them about the One who calms every storm and speaks in solution. No matter what. Every time.

The post Seasons of Change first appeared on Live Original.

It’s as if everything began to build at a more rapid pace than usual. You know, that building of a culmination of emotion, random events and overwhelming moments that bring you to a place of wanting to break down and just press the restart button. I’ve had many seasons in life like that, where the Lord is bringing things to the surface, and He does it by allowing me to come to a place of surrender because I just couldn’t seem to get it the first time. But it has been some time now since I gave my life to the Lord and something about this was different. Heavier. Faster. Like a massive wave that was swelling more quickly than I could get on my board to ride away on and I knew, I’m about to get pummeled.

He was doing something in me and all I could do was face it. I knew better than to run. I found myself sitting in my living room after another moment of being overwhelmed and feeling as if I had failed yet once again…que the cycle of me beating myself up again. I just can’t seem to get it together. One lash. My laundry is never finished. Another lash. My house isn’t perfect. Another lash. I didn’t finish this project. One more lash. I just sobbed.

I could see Him now. Abba Father, sitting far off in the sky of heaven, watching me with disappointment. Wishing I would get it together so He could take me into that mythical season of milk and honey. Holding His list of things I didn’t accomplish and therefore having to withhold freedom, blessing, anointing and influence. Angry that I just can’t give Him my all the way the elite Christians do. Whatever that means. I continued to sob.

I finally just said out loud, “I don’t want to deal with this anymore. Please, remove this, I can’t live like this anymore”. All of the sudden, a massive presence entered the room and immediately, I knew it was Father God. It was distinctly different from any other encounter I’ve ever had. It was the Father Himself. His love swelled in the room and felt like every wall was being touched by this presence filling the space. My internal knees buckled and I wept from a depth I did not know was inside me. As I closed my eyes, I felt Him take my face in His hands, and with more kindness then I’ve ever felt in my life, He began to speak words of love with a tone of peace and gentleness. My fear filled heart was immediately exposed, and I began to say how sorry I was for allowing myself to be guided by such lies. He quickly yet gently told me to stop, and that it was in the past. He wasn’t even thinking about my mess-ups. He then took my hands and feet, and washed them clean. I felt all striving, all anxiety, all worry, simply wash away, as the selflessness of my Father was revealed to me. He has no need to hold onto my past or my failures – as if He needed to make me pay for them one day when I mess up again, because that would imply that He needed something to control me with. No. In that moment as He washed my feet, I saw how selfless He was.

He needs not to hold onto anything of my past, because His love is so powerful that it makes even me forget my past as it melts away in His kindness. He began to speak to me about how I am “His girl”, and how He created the nature that one feels to protect those they love – because His protectiveness towards me and all His children, is fiercer than we could ever imagine. He explained to me how vital it is that all I am to do is to abide in Him. To stay right in this place, where nothing else matters but abiding in His presence. I asked Him, “Are you always this kind?” “Yes, I am”. “Are you always here like this?” “Yes. Always. I am always here.

 But just because you can’t always see me, doesn’t mean I’m not here. I am like a lion, circling His child on constant watch. Sometimes I am circling in front of you in a position that you see me. And sometimes I am circling behind, with a perspective you don’t have. Just because you can’t see me, does not mean I am not there. I never leave you. No matter what, I will always love you. You’re my girl, daughter.”

Maybe you see Father God the way that I did, and you find yourself in a position of striving, stress and being overwhelmed easily. Let me tell you, sister…you don’t have to live this way. All you have to do is call out to your Father, and He will be there. Ready to love you the way your heart has been longing for. His love washes away the internal dirt and grime of stress, and brings the resolve, order and contentment you thirst for. He is good, kind and more loving than you know. Call out to him. I promise, He’s right there patiently waiting for you to listen to His words of love He so desperately wants to speak to you.

The post Abba first appeared on Live Original.

I wear quite a few hats. I am a full-time pastor, currently attempting to get a small business off the ground, and blog writer with the goal of letting out my passion for health and sisterhood thrive all under one banner and umbrella, somehow. I am a wife and mom, which alone is a full time job. I have so many dreams and fiery passions inside of me, I sometimes ask God why in the world He would allow me to have them all, if I cant have balance. The list of passions could go on and on. I thrive off of order and peace. Every fiber inside of me thirsts for it, and I have lived running after it.

For so long, I have felt this enemy inside my head that told me, “If only you were more organized. If only you woke up earlier. You’re a mom, you need to have such and such finished. If only you were more of ________”. THEN, I would reach this place of balance –  Where I had all of my to do lists accomplished, early morning quiet time where I prayed, meditated, and read my bible. Where I gave back to others, filled my family’s love tanks, lifted and supported my friends with Holy Spirit driven words, and had dinner on the table by 5:30. The constant voice telling me that I’m the only one that can’t seem to get it together, roars at me.

I have tried it all. Writing your to do lists for the next day the night before. Finding the perfect planner and filling it in for the month. Making meal prep plans and ordering the grocery list online. I have 8 weekly meal menus stored up, with the thought that surely that will be enough to help get me to this imaginary place of balance. I have done it all. Most of those around me look in on my life and think I am a disciplined and organized woman. Yet STILL, this voice roars at me. Yet I would STILL lay down every day feeling as if I was failing and didn’t do enough. My mind was screaming, JESUS HELP ME find balance.

As I was sitting in our prayer room at our church, He finally laid it out for me. He said, “Are you done?” What?! What kind of a question was that?! I have been doing everything I can to try to do His will. Trying to put feet to the dreams HE placed in me. Trying to be a good steward of my family and every other responsibility I had. Trying to make sure I had balance in it all. What else was I supposed to do?! What am I not doing?!?!

The fear of the LORD leads to life, So that one may sleep satisfied, untouched by evil. Prov 19:23

He will fulfill the desire of those who fear Him; He will also hear their cry and will save them. Ps 145:19

Who is the man who fears the LORD? He will instruct him in the way he should choose. Ps 25:12

In the fear of the LORD, there is strong confidence, and his children will have refuge. The fear of the LORD is a fountain of life, that one may avoid the snares of death. Proverbs 14:26

He began to speak to me about how it was time to stop playing God. To give it all to Him and step back – step back and worship Him with no agenda, not asking for anything, but worship Him as a daughter who loves her Father and just wants to sit in His lap and let Him hold her. And let me tell you, at first, it was difficult because my first reaction is to think, “But if I just let it all go, I’ll be lazy. What if I don’t accomplish anything on time? What if nothing gets done? What if my dreams don’t come true because I didn’t work hard enough?”.

Then He got real with me.

He said, “Exactly. Are you done trying to play my part? Am I not God? The God who gave you these dreams, your family, everything that you posses? Am I not enough? Can you not worship with me without a goal? Can you not worship me TRUSTING THAT I AM THE ONE THAT BRINGS FRUIT TO THE SEEDS I GAVE YOU? What if I took it all away, would you leave me? Do you worship me for me or for what you want me to do for you? You will never do what only I can do through you, and until you can understand that, you will keep running around this mountain.”

I immediately hit my knees and wept. I asked for His forgiveness and realized that my to-do list was all out of order. Number one is to worship Him with no agenda. To trust just as the Israelites did when He gave them the Sabbath. A margin of space that says, put down your ability to work, and trust that I will finish the rest.

What it came down to, for me at least and hopefully someone else who is reading this, was trust. Trust that no matter what, He has me. He has my family. He has my future. This life is not about me and what I can feel great about accomplishing. It’s not even about my dreams and what He can do through me. At the end of the day, it’s about Him. It’s about His desire for me to love Him FIRST with everything that is in me and everything that I have. Could I trust that He will take care of my to do lists? I can if I let go of my timeline and embrace His. Could I trust that He loves me even if I didn’t get up at 5am and have my quiet time? I can if I trust and know that He is a good father and loves me unconditionally. It’s not about what I can prove or do to prove myself ready and worthy. He is the only one who is worthy, and He lives in me. Could I trust Him with my dreams? I can if I give them back to Him and say, regardless of what I desire, I will be present in the now and trust that you have the master plan. And His plan is always better than mine. This life isn’t about me.

I am currently walking this out. I believe it will be a lifelong process of constantly giving everything back to Him. So in the mean time, I’ll prostrate myself before Him and declare, that I am just here to serve and love Him. He has the master plan, and I will walk in the Fear of the Lord and His Sabbath rest that says I am not God. I will give Him my best and bow down in reverence to Him and say, I trust you. I trust and will obey to rest in your Sabbath Rest. The Rest of the Lord, that takes care of what I could never provide for in my own strength. When I choose to rest and trust, everything else balances out. I pray that lying voice that may have been roaring over you would be shut in the name of Jesus, and that the roar of the Lion of the Tribe of Judah, would remind you that He is God and He has you in the palm of His hand. He is the balance, the peace, and the order we long for. So lets do this together sister, take a deep breath, and release it all. You’re not alone in this, He’s go us!

The post Finding Balance first appeared on Live Original.

I wear a lot of hats, and one of those hats is being a youth pastor. One of my many passions is to disciple and raise up young leaders. And to be honest, it was quite hilarious to me when Sadie asked me to write for her Live Original blog. OF COURSE, God…you WOULD push me out there way outside of my comfort zone. Of all the things you know I’d be quick to say yes to, this is what You are asking of me. Mainly, this conversation was happening between the Lord and I, because He has put such a passion inside of me to break down the stronghold that social media has built into a young generation. To gratify and find value in likes, the perfect selfie, or how many followers one may or may not have. It’s been my soapbox. So, the Lord began to not only stir in me to take my writing to the internet, He also sent more confirmations than I could have ever asked for.

Then, Sadie believed that I was supposed to be on her team, I was extremely hesitant and doubtful that I could do it without falling into what I had stood for. Insert exclamation points…I was NOT preaching against social media or the internet. I am in no way anti-social media, CLEARLY. However, I was (and still am) against anything that would stand in the way of someone walking in the fullness of their identity and relationship with their Savior. So, if that is food, Netflix, Instagram, or a relationship…it’s got to go. For many people, young people especially, social media is where they not only find their worth, but where they feel their worth is reflected according to how many likes or followers they have. I stand firm in speaking truth and coming against those lies.

I told Sadie that I needed to pray about it. I immediately was filled with fear and self-doubt. I’ve been writing in journals every day since I was 6 years old – filling book after book for every season and day of my life for the past 23 years. It was time to step out. The Lord was making it clear to me, but I was filled with questions and hesitation. What if I fell into the social media craze? What if I began to find my worth in how people respond to my vulnerable pen to paper moments? What if I fall flat on my face and I hear the horrible words, “I told you so?” I felt paralyzed. I wanted to run the other way and say no. But my incredible husband looked at me, and said, “Lindsey, this is fear. Don’t give in. You preach against pride, but this type of fear is rooted in pride.” OUCH.

So, I began to pray. I needed the Lord to show me His perspective. To navigate me through all my doubts and fears, and bring His truth. Then He showed me this scripture.

Galatians 5:13 says, “For you, brothers, were called to freedom. Only do not turn your freedom into an opportunity to gratify your flesh, but through love make it your habit to serve one another.”

He told me the following things:

1. You have been set free from fear of man. Put on the armor of God and walk boldly. I have called you for such a time as this. Am I not the God who set you free? I can do more than set you free, I can show you how to walk out your freedom –  in a brand-new way to set the captive free.

 2. As I have given you this outlet, be disciplined to fill yourself with only me. So that I may be what is poured out.

3. Serve. Serve as if you are serving me directly. Serve extravagantly. Serve and love, with extraordinary love.

 4. I am with you. You are mine and I am yours. I take you nowhere to let you fall. Keep your eyes on me, and know that I will never take my eyes off of you.

So, I stepped out. Outside of my little comfortable corner, and I have started to chase dreams that others can see. Let me let you in on how I’ve walked it out on a practical level – how I have kept what the Lord has told me in check.

1.    I don’t scroll through my feed.

Simply because it takes up more of my time then I’d like to admit to myself. I have so much to get done between being a mom, wife, pastor, daughter, and friend, that I just need to say no. I also have not arrived. And to be vulnerable, I can find myself at times producing unhealthy emotions according to what I see. I don’t have time to have any thought in my head that God doesn’t have about me.

2.    I not only read, but memorize His word.

I have a large metal ring that holds index cards on it. Once a week, I add an index card to it that I’ve written a scripture on. I go through the scriptures throughout the week with one goal, to memorize. Not just the scripture, but where its at in the bible. The actual reference. If I don’t know what He says in His word, I will always succumb to what I say to myself or what others say. #aintnotbodygottimeforthat

3.    Pray/talk to God all day. Everyday.

This is not some super spiritual act where I am in a sanctuary travailing. I talk to Him. I ask Him what He thinks. I ask questions, I vent, I cry, etc. He’s my best friend.

Many say, “I don’t have time to pray.” Well I have learned from those ahead me, “We don’t have time to not pray.”

I haven’t arrived. I have bad days and stressful days. Days that when the little is tucked in to bed and I’m finally getting a moment to relax, all I want to do is zone out and get on social media. But I know that at the end of the day, only I can choose what I feed myself with mentally, spiritually, and physically. Let’s rise up higher! Feed ourselves with LIFE giving nutrients, words, music and healthy rest.

Let’s be ones that fill ourselves with ONLY Him, so that only HE will come out. He has shown me that if I focus whatever I may be doing on Him and not my self, He will guard my heart and mind. I pray every word, picture or conversation I am a part of, HE is exalted. It’s all about Him, not about the selfie.

The post It’s Not About the Selfie first appeared on Live Original.

As soon as I took His hand, I was no longer in the ring. But sitting on the sidelines. And I watched my Savior become 100 times larger than my enemy. He held my enemy by his neck, and fierce fiery eyes of an angry protector stared my enemy down almost to remind him to never forget this moment. Then I heard a roar of a thousand lions come forth from Him, and in the swiftness of one motion, He took the head off my enemy. My Savior then looked at me, and with eyes of compassion and love, He said, “Please my daughter, do not step back into this ring.” He came down off the platform to my level, and immediately, we were sitting beside a calm river, resting under a larger than life oak tree. My wounds began to heal as He sat with me, telling me just to rest. I began to finally see more clearly than ever before. My enemy was not a face— no single person. It hid behind so many, especially my sisters. He hid behind and used the faces of those that were meant to be the keepers of my heart. As Lisa Bevere says, “I’ve been hurt by men, but I’ve been wounded by women”. My enemy used them, threatened them, made them feel unsafe, and forced to fight. It’s as if we were all in different arenas fighting in the same building. Our enemy ringing the same bell telling us the fight was about to begin again. But now that I see more clearly, I’m angry. I’m angry that I’ve been lied to and abused. I’m angry that this enemy was so ruthless that he began with the mothers. So that their daughter’s would never have a chance. I’m angry. And done. Because I have seen my Savior in action. I’ve not only seen Him take out my enemy, but He has gently nursed me back to health and has thrown my mistakes into a sea of no return. He does not remind me of my mistakes like my enemy. I know the difference between their voices, and He is so kind. So merciful.

He is teaching me now. He is redeeming every year lost and stolen from me and my sisters. He is showing me the details of creating atmospheres of safety. He is showing me the power of my words and how to speak into existence, sisterhood. How to let Him fight every battle with the true enemy and how to keep a posture of resolve. Resolve knowing that He not only has me, but He has my sisters. I’m just now to be the one that champions them in the middle of their journey. One that sits in their corner and reminds them to step out of the ring and look to the one that is waiting to be tapped in. If we all resolved to this position of championing each other, then not one sister would be fighting. We would just be doing what we do so well. Sitting together, popping popcorn, and talking a million miles a minute about this awesome movie of an incredible, strong, savior, that fights for His girl. And wins.

I’ll take that girl’s night any night.

The post Fighting the Good Fight first appeared on Live Original.

My whole childhood, I grew up having to carry burdens that were never mine to carry. Having to fight battles that were never mine to fight. Having to be tough skinned and strong, when in all reality, I was just a kid. I was raised by a single father, with my one younger brother. My mother left when I was five, but that’s a story for another day. I was not raised in church, but I had a strong father that even though at the time he did not know the Lord, raised us to be kind, thoughtful, hard working and generous.

I lived a good part of my childhood in the “bible belt”. I saw churches on every street. Knowing my friends during the summers would go off to church camp, but I was never a part of any of this. And to be completely honest, I didn’t care much because I just simply didn’t know what I didn’t have. It wasn’t until I was seventeen years old, I was invited to come to church on a Wednesday night to a youth group. I was living in Destin, Florida, no family, rebellious, difficult and living on a friends couch in their flea-infested basement. No one cared where I went, when I got in, who I was with, or what I was doing. So, to say the least, I walked into that youth group desperate and not knowing what for. It was the first time I had ever heard the message of Jesus. It still brings me to tears thinking about that moment, because I was so alone and lost. He filled me with a love that I didn’t know existed. He rescued me from the literal pit I was living in and turned my whole life upside down. Which in all actuality was now right side up.

I’ll share the details in posts to come, of how He restored and healed me. How He saved and restored my family. How He broke generational curses, and delivered me from bondage I was so accustomed to living in. How He showed me the power of His love and of His Holy Spirit. I simply cannot live without Him, because I still so vividly remember my life without Him. I am PASSIONATE about sisterhood. Doing life together, and loving each other through our highs and lows. Leaving the fear of the ninety-nine and reaching out for the one. Walking in the supernatural power of His Holy Spirit, so that others can see that He is real and alive. I don’t have it all together, but He does. And I trust Him. I want to encourage you today, dear sister. Who is the rebellious, difficult, lonely and hurting one around you? No one would have ever guessed that I was walking into that youth group with the background that I had, but I am forever grateful that someone reached out anyways and simply just, INVITED ME IN. All it takes is you opening up your life, laying yourself aside and being Jesus to the ones He has placed around you.

We have a MISSION to tear down the boundaries, the facade of perfection, the fear of man, and walk in the power of His love for a dying and lost world. Ask Him, I dare you, to break your heart for what breaks His heart, and it will cause you to stop thinking about you, and to see through HIS eyes. To take the focus off of yourself and see that there is a mission He has for you today. I’m glad a sister said yes to the mission of me on that summer day of 2005. Who would have guessed that little ole me, would one day be writing and ministering to some many others, telling them about what Jesus did that day in a little youth service. For the past year, the Lord began to birth in my heart, Simple Sisterhood. It is not just to share my story, but the stories and tools of the sisters around me. The Titus women who have recipes and testimonies that we need not only for ourselves, but for our children. The single mom who has the strength of ten, and words of wisdom that came with a price we all need to glean from. Or the teenager, who if just given a bit of time and patience, can fill us with words of passion that encourages us to keep praying for a young generation. Sister, we need each other. It’s not nearly as complicated as we make it. So let’s shake off yesterday, take a deep breath, and link up arms. Welcome to sisterhood.

The post Simple Sisterhood first appeared on Live Original.